To have and have not.

Suffice is to say that our marriage had many ups and downs, as most marriages do but when you are going through those 'ups and downs' you feel as though you are the only one that is experiencing them. We, like most couples, lurched from one crisis to another but in hindsight it was the making of us and was the glue that kept us together.

I had no misgivings about the age difference between us but Beryl had at times talked about her inability to give us kids, as if it was something to do with her and her age. I never thought of going for a test to find out who had the problem because I was of the mind that if it does not happen, then it does not, that's life and what it throws at you, except it or forever be in pain of self doubt. However I got the impression that Beryl thought that she had let me down for not producing children and often asked me if I was 'dissapointed' in her not producing, as it were.

Beryl, who was 32 when we married, had her periods* for another 14 or 15 years after the consumation of it and had every opportunity to concieve...but it just did not happen. Every now and again throughout our marriage she would bring this subject up and beat herself up with anxiety over it, there was no need. I will not cry over something that I have no control over but have sympathy towards those who do.

Anyway, needless to say our marriage survived over the many obstacles that life throws at us and we got to our Ruby Wedding anniversary on the 14th of August 2011.

Beryl was riddled by Alzheimers by then so a get together for our aniversary was out of the question.

We got no cards from any of our families on our Ruby wedding aniversary which tells me that we are alone in this crisis and it is just me and Beryl up against the rest of the world...just as I knew it has always been.

*It irks me that men have a problem with a women's menstrual cycle and are 'frightened' to ask a chemist, or buy from a supermarket that that their partner needs. I regularly went to the chemist for tampons for Beryl when she had the need and did not turn a hair...until I saw what she did with them...ewwwwww. And us men think we suffer!

...To be continued.