What's a neverous breakdown anyway?

Fueled by that 'flee in my ear' by married soldiers that extolled the virtues of married women in the forces should unreservedly follow their spouses I hassled Beryl to come join me and give up her adherence to making a home for ourselves and saving money to do so. She gave up her solid work to enter serfdom as an army wife, a roll that took it's toll on her mentally.

Munster, Germany was a turning point.

We were given, as our army abode, the top floor of a shambolic house which is commonly known as the attic. To say it was spartan is a disservice to Spartans, it was a shithole! The old and decrepit woman who ran it was fond of saying in her best English "no hot water!."

But hey, there was a pub just across the road and I, with my army mates, availed myself of it and on certain nights (most nights if I am to be truthful,) it was MEN ONLY.

Beryl was a woman that believed in woman's rights and she would stick to it rigidly, she would not see women being treated as mere dogs that should be kept in their kennels and only bark when their masters say so. She was forthright and did not shy of saying what she believed in and if she was wrong she would say so. She was that type of woman. Her humanity was taken away from her when I 'forced' her to follow me in Germany.

And in Germany I saw her disintegrate from a caring, compassionate woman to a casualty of my fantasy of having a wife at my side that did my bidding, no matter the consequences!

One day we 'lads' were having a drink over the road when Beryl walked in saying she wanted some company and then got herself a drink and sat with us. Needless to say the 'man buddies' of mine were not impressed and never let an opportunity go to tell me what to do to keep my 'woman' in check.

True to the idiot that I was, when we got back to our dismal attic flat, I became John Wayne and drunkenly took her over my knee and 'spanked' her before paying for it handsomely.

A few days later Beryl had a 'nervous breakdown'.

In the army hospital I was told by a psychiatrist that the forces have no thought to 'army wifes'. They allow husbands to bring them over to a country where they do not understand the language nor the culture and the husbands go on 'exercises' which takes their menfolk away for weeks or months at a time! Some hardy women can take this but not every woman is cut out to be an army wife. There is more that I can say on this but I will not, I will just tell you that Beryl's breakdown was my primer to get out of the army as she was more imprtant than it.

I will reflect to the past sometimes in this blog but I want to start dealing with the here and now and with  my wifes Alzheimer's because, as I write, her condition worsens. I will have all the time in the world to write when this terrible disease takes it's final toll.

To be continued...