I got the doctor out again yesterday and he prescribed a more potent antibiotic, which I took to the chemist who, would you believe, did not have it in stock so I had to wait till today to get it. She has had one dose and another two to go before bedtime so I do hope this takes effect rather quickly as it is hard to eat myself when Beryl has been without much food or drink for so long.
Since Beryl came out of hospital after the new year I have called the doctor and the NHS Direct a few times and each time a doctor came to see her they gave her the full treatment, ie blood pressure check, heart monitoring and chest monitoring and found her chest, heart and blood pressure ok which relieves my mind somewhat and can only think that this damn infection of the Urinary Tract has took the wind out of her sails but each time she goes through such things it appears to me her dementia gets that little bit worse, I do hope I am wrong but I fully realise there is no fairytale ending to Alzheimer's, I know how it ends but I do not know when. I am preparing for the worse because I know it is coming, will we see this year out together I keep wondering?
Beryl is in what I see as being in the late stages of her dementia and can no longer communicate to me or others by word of mouth. She can walk, with my aid and I now have a wheelchair to take her on longer journeys to the shops which I have not done so much recently due to the bad weather and her present ill health. She communicates anger pretty well which lets me know when I am doing something wrong. This can be unhelpful at times like when I am trying to give her medicine or feeding her by hand, which I have to do. Sometimes when feeding her and she gets angry she takes the spoon out of my hand to feed herself, which bolsters me because that is one thing why I married her, she always was her own woman so it is ironic that she is reduced to this. Beryl turned 73 today the 11th of February 2012.
Recently the news has been full of reports about the treatment of our elderly and vulnerable who are cared by the state and the news does not bode well. This is why I have vowed that Beryl and I will leave this world in our own home rather than spend our days being looked after by others that do not know us and probably do not care to know us. When our life cycle ends naturally it's good to go in your own bed. Sorry for appearing to be so maudlin.
PS: Things are at a stage now with me and Beryl that I have not time to add anything to the Freedom2Choose blog and my interests are elsewhere as Beryl's decline gets more pronounced. I will carry on looking after the mundain things for F2C like office duties but blog writing and commenting on all things smoking ban are not of my biggest concern at the moment.
To be continued...
John, my heart goes out to you and for what you are doing for your wife. You and I both know how it will end, and realistically.
ReplyDeleteIt may sound stupid, but can I offer you birthday wishes for Beryl, on her behalf? She probably won't realise, of course, but your care and love for her have kept her as well and content as she can be for her 73rd birthday.
I find these blogs you are writing incredibly moving, and I am lost for words to say to you.
Take courage: all we have in the end is our love for each other.
I wish I could hug you.
Carol. xxx
You are doing a marvellous job John, you should be proud of yourself my friend. Stay cool & stay strong my friend.
ReplyDeleteThank you Lysistrata for your kind words and I do hope that you, and other readers, realise that I am not writing this blog for sympathy but rather to document one sad case of Alzheimer's. Since before Beryl was diagnosed with dementia I just observed the news about it and promptly forgot it, now I am forced to confront it head on and am still confused. It is a learning curve that has no merit. I merely wish to show others that this abominal disease can strike anyone, the rich and the poor, the academic or the road sweeper, no one, but no one is immune to this despicable disease.
ReplyDeleteLystistrata it is not stupid to offer birthday wishes but if Beryl was in her right mind she would take issiue with you as she always groaned when her birthday came around and would always feign not to know her true age, this made me laugh everytime her birthday came around.
So sad John.
ReplyDeleteIt is good that the pair of you have had many good years, but awful that the later years are proving so hard.
Take heart in the fact that many couples have not had the closeness that you and Beryl have enjoyed.
Yes it is sad Mummy Best and I am trying my hardest not to feel sorry for myself as it is not about me, it's about one woman's decline through dementia, a horrible disease. Every day I count my blessings that she does not have a painful affliction like cancer, she is blissfully unaware of her circumstances but it is horrible to watch the one you love disintigrate like this.
ReplyDeleteI will endevour to give her the best quality of life I can provide under the circumstances and when her life comes to an end I will be happy in the knowledge that she had the best care.
Thank you for your sentiments.